days

Called the nurse to come again Sunday afternoon.  The meds weren't keeping John calm anymore.  Started the morphine and another drug for restlessness.  It's helping.  His mouth is filmy and his eyes hardly open.  He does nod his head and give his opinion about tastes and funny things.  His customer, Shirley, brought over chicken salad, fruit salad, brownies, and green beans.  He ate a good bit.  Sharon came over, and Mama is staying the night.

Got up in the night Sunday to give him meds.  He slept rather well.  At one point he put his arm around me and opened his eyes like any normal night.  He was especially aware. 

Monday morning, today, I called the nurse for a catheter.  It's wearing out John and me trying to get pull-ups on him.  I also asked the nurse to have the walker picked up.  She got out a med for the "death rattle" to help calm the congestion at the end.
just in case

She explained again the procedure they go throught to "pronounce" and when I wasn't in the room, she told Mama I shouldn't be left alone with John anymore.  The shock of finding him gone would be too much for me alone.  Our neighbor and church friend, Ruby, is here with me while Mama goes home and changes.  Mama will stay through Wed. night and Sharon will come then.  I have an erie feeling Wed will be "the day."  Don't know why.  John's b'day is Friday.  His mom called yesterday and broke down on the phone and had to go.  Mama broke down today trying to tell me I couldn't be alone. 

I went to my class Valentine party.  The sub has totally rearranged everything, but I didn't even care.  The kids were glad to see me, and pretty well behaved.  I gave them their cards, a pen, a hug, ate a little snack, collected my things and was exhausted. 

It's more surreal than ever.