Sister Trip 2024

 

My sister and I have the wonderful tradition now of going on a Sister Trip on the anniversary of John's birthday/death. This year, we went to Mobile, Alabama. It was a fun-filled, frigid time. Since it was a few days after Mardi Gras, we could tell the parade route by the trees laden with necklaces. We visited the DAR House, the History Museum of Mobile, The USS Alabama and Drum, Fort Conde, the Mardi Gras Museum, Bellingrath Home and Gardens, two cemeteries, candy shop (perhaps more than once), and other places, too. Also tradition, we got cake pops to honor John's birthday. We stayed at the Malaga Inn, built in the 1860s and probably haunted. Ready for our next adventure!

Latest Upload to Amazon!

AN ASSORTMENT OF TRUTHS AND TALES compiles over twenty writings by award-winning author, Laura G. Cogdill. Follow a path through flash fiction, memoir, poetry, and inspirational words sprinkled with humor, hope, romance, and time travel. 

You may even uncover a few secrets about me!

AN ASSORTMENT is available on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/Assortment-Truths-Tales-Laura-Cogdill-ebook/dp/B0CCX1J2JV/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1BQKH9GUA9YJQ&keywords=laura+g+cogdill&qid=1691956744&sprefix=laura+g+%2Caps%2C179&sr=8-1

More Stickies from John

I am still finding sticky notes left by John for me. Recently, I culled through more of his books, careful to check for messages by flipping the pages slowly. 

One day, John asked me the number you call when you need help. 

(He couldn't remember 911.) 

I wrote it on this card for him and he kept it by his chair.

Found it tucked in a book also.

On Love, Language, and Loss

Liquidating Life was featured in a magazine article which asked the question, "How do we know what other people think, except through language?  How do we know them, if they cannot express what they think or feel?  Such are the predicaments that these writers address, as they explore how brain injury can affect a relationship, a life."

Four books were compared:  One Hundred Names for Love: A Memoir; To Love What Is:  A Marriage Transformed; Liquidating Life; Still Alice.

The author of the article, Joyce Meier, addresses results of a stroke, injuries sustained in a fall, a brain tumor, and Alzheimer's, and the affects on how communication changes and the frustrations and breakthroughs that come with it.

She also used her skills as a writing professor to critique the actual writing of the books, covering the styles of each author and how their word choices reflect their experiences.

It was an honor to be included in this group of authors who dared to show their walk through many tough days with their loved one.

"Fourth Genre:  Exploration in Nonfiction"
Volume 17, Number 2, Fall 2015;  pp. 189-196
Michigan State University Press

Liquidating Life: An Almost Daily Account of a Journey With Brain Cancer is available at amazon.com.

birthdays and anniversaries

To celebrate John's birthday each year, I usually get a cake pop from Starbucks.  This year, I was in Orlando visiting my sister and her family in February.  To commemorate his birthday, Sharon and I got a Mickey cake pop at Disney!  

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I have also started the tradition of getting a wind chime to mark the anniversary of John's passing.  Since I spent the weekend at Disney this February, I wanted one Disney-related.  Since I couldn't find one that hit me just right, I ordered the chime in the picture below.  It is "Cinderella blue," and has a butterfly (which played an important role in the live-action Cinderella movie).  

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....and of course, here is a picture of Cinderella and me!

John would have gotten a kick out of me meeting her.

Relay for Life

The school where I teach held its first Relay for Life to raise money for the American Cancer Society in May, 2016.

This is my luminary in memory of John and my friend Vickie.

summer of discovery

Doing more painting and while taking figurines off a shelf, found another sticky note from John folded and hidden there.  He must have written it early on because it has my name and the message made sense.

FREE ON KINDLE

Sept. 27-28, 2014
Liquidating Life is FREE on kindle

http://www.amazon.com/Liquidating-Life-Laura-G-Cogdill-ebook/dp/B00D0CJMJA/ref=pd_rhf_gw_p_img_1

silver medal winner

Liquidating Life was awarded a silver medal in the Health & Fitness category by the Florida Authors & Publishers Association, at their fall conference August 9, 2014.

It is a wonderful honor to be selected and acknowledged in this way.  

This is a picture of the display at the conference.

 

                                                                                     

more updates

July 29th, 2014 I found another sticky note John left for me.  It was stuck to the back cover of a music book on the shelf.  The book was yellow like the note, and I had flipped through the pages, stacked it with other books, put it in a box, then turned it over to make it stack better, and BAM, there was the note.

Not sure exactly what it says, but it doesn't matter.  It's been right at 2 years since I found one, and truly thought there probably weren't any more.  It was a happy day!

book availability

In addition to amazon.com and kindle, 

Liquidating Life is available at these locations

in Tallahassee, FL:

Downtown Marketplace
http://www.downtownmarket.com/
Park Avenue & US 27 (Monroe Street)
September through November


The Gathering Place
https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Gathering-Place-Tallahassee/513423962047599
3655 N. Monroe Street

My Favorite Books

http://www.mfbooks.us/mfb/

in Market Square

Sweet Patina

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Sweet-Patina/141681815885686

2030-5 Thomasville Road

book signing

Barnes & Noble Tallahassee

 local author book signing event

July 12, 2013

with my mother and "roadie"

Jonnie

Book Launch Party

The book launch party for "Liquidating Life" was held Friday, June 7, 2013 at Dorothy B. Oven Park in Tallahassee.  This is a picture of the main room.

 

In May, I ordered 100 books to sell and give away.  I have only about a dozen left and re-ordered more yesterday.  A few weeks ago, I spoke to a writing group about the publishing process with createspace.  A retirement facility is hosting a local author round-table event later in June and I've signed up to participate.  

"Liquidating Life" is on kindle now, but the pictures didn't transfer.  It is what it is and I've sold a half dozen.

  

Many people have emailed me their "John memories" and it has been great reading them.  The book launch got people thinking about him and I appreciate their memories.  

There are 5 reader reviews on amazon.  The book's ranking fluctuates from 55,000 to 800,000 depending on how much traffic/sales/comments/activity is on the amazon page.  

This is the link to the book review in the Tallahassee Democrat:

http://www.tallahassee.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2013305300059

It's a book!

They're here!  100 copies of "Liquidating Life", the book I put together from this blog and emails by John and me over the time of his illness.  In another entry, I'll tell some of the trek into publishing.  The book is available on amazon.com and also on kindle.

Brain Tumor Awareness

http://www.braintumor.org/get-involved/advocacy-public-policy/BTAM.html

May is Brain Tumor Awareness Month
Follow the link for more information.

Thanks

wasting wednesday

We slept fairly well last night.  John was awake a lot but stayed quiet in bed, not tossing and turning like usual.  He got up ahead of me and made coffee, and when I got up, I knew something wasn't right.  His language took a dive in the night.  He seemed disoriented, kind of like he was after the seizures.  He hardly talked at b'fast and couldn't focus well, was really slow with eating.  After pancakes, John said he knew he was acting weird and didn't know why.  As the day went on, he slowly got better and perked up some.  I ran errands for almost 3 hours.  It felt good to be out and about.  Didn't feel guilty about leaving John home.  He rested and even nuked lunch.  I brought him Whataburger, which he ate later. 

The electric blanket I got him for Christmas [actually Sharon picked it up for me] didn't have the controls in the box.  I went to Walmart and they gave me the controls out of another box so we could keep the sage green one. 

Spent more time being with John today.  He wasn't very talkative until 8 tonight, and we talked mostly about God and what people believe and is he getting the message out about what Christ has done for us.  He is very concerned that more people don't know.

I emailed Pastor Bob today to see if he'd do the memorial service at Wildwood.  The lady buying the business is coming over with her husband tomorrow to check out the equipment and sign the agreement.  John is now stressing about every aspect of this.  Who will the check be made to?  Is he asking too much or too little?  Why can't she take the stuff tomorrow?  Will he have enough to pay taxes, his bills, and live on?  I can't imagine what it's like to be him right now.  He's really dragging his right foot today, especially when he gets tired.

The Hospice music therapist is coming tomorrow.  This will probably do me more good than John. 

When I asked if we could have everybody over Saturday to celebrate Mama's b'day, he gave me a thumbs-up. 

Trying to go to bed earlier in preparation for the sad day I have to go back to work. 
The last of the pretty leaves are falling off.  We're on a warming trend now, thank goodness.  Enough of temps in the 20's!

snowy sunday, mellow monday

Christmas was great fun as always at my parents'.  Sharon, Bobby, and Marshall beat us out there because John wanted to be clean and not gross to everyone.  We washed his hair, bathed, shaved, packed.  Got a thoughtful call from one of our high school classmates checking on us.  Marshall called while we were loading the car to see where we were.  When we got there, we let him go ahead and open his presents so we could eat in peace.  The adults opened theirs after lunch.  Only John and I spent the night.

In the night, John woke up with a headache.  He went into the next room and sat in a chair for a while.  Being the tough dude he is, he wouldn't take any pain meds.  It got so bad, he finally broke down and took 1/4 of a pain pill.  Half an hour later he took another quarter pill.  Nothing was helping.  After a while, 1/2 a tablet, accompanied by vomiting.  Morning came, along with snow.  The flakes were large and swirled in the wind.  Mama and I went out for something and Fluffy had snowflakes on her fur.  It snowed for over an hour.  During that time, I had called hospice and the nurse was on her way.  She ended up in Georgia because GPS sends you there on an incorrect route through the woods on a imaginary road to my parents' neighborhood.  When she finally found us, with Mama meeting her at the main road, John had fallen asleep thankfully.  While the nurse was there, we changed his bandage.  The tumor had grown and the bulge was touching the back of his ear.  This was new.  There was tons of yellow drainage.  I've noticed that when he has headaches, the next time we change his bandage, there's more yellow than usual. 
The nurse thinks it's puss and not brain fluid.  The stitch bled more than usual also, and made a mess.  She taught me how to give him liquid morphine and what pills to give him for nausea.  He took one and it helped for a while.  He didn't want morphine and chose to keep taking the pain med Dr. Chemo had given us.  I think John has a mental block against the 'comfort kit' of meds because those are for 'end of life' and he knows he's not there yet.  He wants to be, but every nurse that sees him says he's 'not there.' 
Daddy went to our house and plugged in the heater in the van so the tubes wouldn't freeze, and dripped faucets inside the house because it was cold and getting colder.  John wanted deperately to go home.  I figured out the reason was because we knew it was going to be in the 20's at night and the heater needed to be turned on.  When I told him Daddy had already plugged it in, John said, "I guess we can stay another night then." 
He slept better, got up at 3:30 to eat cereal and take more pain meds.  Got up around 9 this a.m.  Ate, laid back down, then got up and started getting dressed.  He was READY to get home.  We had a quiet day, back to 'normal.'
Our main Hospice nurse came.  John hasn't lost weight, had his usual sense of humor, and when we changed the bandage, the tumor didn't look as large.  Now 2 stitches are bleeding.  She gave me a 'spill' kit in case the tumor ruptures, but not using those exact words.  Don't know if having the kit gives me comfort or fear. 
Tonight, our preacher and Sunday School teacher came by for over an hour.  It was a great visit.  Very real.  John again told them all that matters is knowing Christ and what he did, and trusting him because we have nothing to offer God to redeem ourselves.  He is still eloquent when it comes to God.  very inspiring

Got a call from my dr's nurse and the osteo has spread in my body.  They want me to go to my endocrinologist [thyroid dr] because my thyroid issue is probably feeding the osteo problem.  I already have an appt to see her this summer.  In the mean time....I HAVE to start exercising again.  My hip always feels better when I'm moving regularly.  AND, the biggie..........drink less coffee.  Eat more dairy foods and dark greens.  I know what to do.  Just do it!!!!!

wild wednesday

All of the sudden I have 19 posts.  How did that happen?  Have I written that much?  Have at least 19 days passed since I began this blog?  Time is going too fast.

Today was a BUSY, busy day.  One of our friends from high school came over this morning, and brought his son, the aspiring film school student, to film John talking about his beliefs.  We waited a week too long to do this.  Last week John could still talk my head off about God and apostles and details, but this week, he's lost a little more language and comprehension.
The filming lasted almost an hour and a half.  A lot of it was repetitive, but he got across the main points:  all you need to know about God is in the Bible; Jesus and his sacrifice redeem us from sin; miracles and tongues are not for today; it's our responsibility to study the Bible.  It's his trust in God and knowing he's redeemed by Christ, that gives John the peace to be ready to die.  "I hate to say it but I'm looking forward to going."
The tape will be edited and uploaded to John's youtube account. 
This was one of the last things he wanted to do before dying.  It is all-important for him to leave behind writing and video of him sharing God's message.

After these friends left, we ate lunch, John rested, then Mama came over.  The hospice social worker came back with more info on payment options.  We all feel much better after coming up with a gameplan.  There are still unknowns, but we can let it go until after the first of the year.  

A guy John has worked with for years and years came by with his baby girl.  She is a doll.  They sat in another room and visited and played with the baby while Mama and I talked with Hospice.  It was a nice diversion for John.  The friend is going to come back later in the week.  

Talked to a couple of friends/family today.  It's so nice to be off work.  But.......I find myself frustrated with John from being around him all day and night.  Mainly because he gets ornery if decisions are made that he doesn't understand.  He still doesn't want me to get him on disability yet, and when we talk about it, we fuss because we see it differently.  Sometimes I want to throw my hands up and say 'whatever' but I let it go and try again later.  
I can see clearly when he's tired and should lay down, but he fights it because he doesn't want to be up all night.  That's when he gets really irritable.  But all in all, there's not much to complain about.  He's handling everything well and for the most part, does listen to what I say.  Maybe I'm tired and don't realize it.

Tried to talk to his health insurance company today but they won't tell me anything because I'm not attached to the policy, so tomorrow I'm faxing a durable poa so they can tell me what the policy covers and doesn't cover; costs; copays; etc.

Another warm day.  We walked a little, and John went out by himself to walk twice.
The Bradford pear tree outside our windows is a spectacular unbrella of yellow, gold, orange, red, and every color in between.