Sunday, August 5, 2012

January, 2012

Individual Hospice counseling has been priceless.  Everything I'm feeling is normal, even when my emotions are all over the map.  I'm naturally a problem solver and have worked through the "why I'm reacting like this" fairly well.  It's time for the 6-week group counseling.

I found myself more depressed when I left group than when I arrived.  It was overwhelming hearing so many experiences.  But I promised my counselor I would do this, so each week I went and each week I handled it better.  The topics we covered were helpful and a lot of it we talked about in my individual sessions.  It was important to hear it again, though.  We participated in art and music activities.  By the potluck dinner final session, I was finally looking forward to our meetings and didn't want them to end yet.  Mama made John's favorite chicken pot pie for the potluck.

A couple of other ladies in our group, young like me, had lost their husbands.  It was comforting to hear they hadn't been able to get rid of items belonging to their spouse, too.  

Each person's grief is different, never stops, and it's okay.  Mentally, I can't handle as much as before.  I never know when I'll be overcome with emotion.  Feelings and reactions are magnified.  I can spend a day on the couch if I need to, but I can't stay there.  Now that I'm coming out of the "shock" of John's death, It's getting harder because I'm feeling.  It was months before I could go to a large store or church without feeling panic from being around so many people.  I have limits.  I want to hear others talk about John.  I have no regrets.  It takes a lot of energy to grieve.  

I had one more individual counseling session for personal closure after the group sessions ended.  I could NOT have made it this far, sane, and in one piece without this service from Hospice.