Friday, March 11, 2011


I Peter 3:12 quotes Psalm 34:15:  "The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their prayers;"

This reminds me of God's protection through John's illness.  His being able to find my number in his phone even when he wasn't aware of what he was doing. When he'd stumble along in the house or even fall: the left side of his head never hit anything.  Getting him in and out of the tub, and I'm not that strong. Working long days, determined to uphold promises made to customers.   

How many thousand prayers did I, and others, offer up for John's protection as he moved about in constant decline?  The Lord's eyes really are on those who belong to Him.   Thank you, Lord.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

lost and found

A couple of years ago, on my last trip to Kiev, I picked up John a pair of hand-knitted wool socks.  He liked wearing them in the winter because they were so warm, especially since he'd been sick.  This winter, I sewed a fleece sole to each of them because a couple of small holes were beginning.  When John's parents visited us in December, the socks disappeared.  I was so afraid they had accidentally carried them to Daytona, then thrown them out not knowing how special they were.

John and I searched for those socks, high and low, under and behind furniture, between cushions.  A couple of days after John died, I glanced up into his cubby in the top of our closet, and there the socks sat.  Right on top of everything.  In plain sight. 

If John found them, it would have had to be while he was still mobile, which would have been at least a week before he died, and you'd think I would've seen the socks in the closet I use every day.  Or that he would have told me where he found them.

To me, this is a wonderful mystery I will ask him to explain one day.  If you know the answer to the mystery, don't tell me.  They are warm.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


My "procedure" yesterday went well.  Apparently I was a constant source of entertainment for my sister and mother. 

Mama and I went to the wash house this morning to get blankets and quilts ready to put away until next fall.  This meant I needed to clean out a closet that holds blankets, my scarves and gloves, and our jackets.  I keep one of John's work shirts in that closet that I wore when I worked with him.  I'm learning to check all pockets in any piece of his clothing before washing or giving it away.  In the pocket of my work shirt, he left a note to me.  A little sticky note this time.  "love ya"
I also found two melted Jolly Ranchers.  He got them at Dr. Chemo's office one of the last times we went.  And I found $5 in another jacket. 

Got a few more thank you cards written while we were at the wash house this morning.  Every time I do a few, I think of someone else to thank.  Not complaining.  Just amazed.

Emailed my principals, bookkeeper, secretary, and sub to let them know I'm planning to come back the week after spring break.  March 28.  Also told them I will need days off when Mr. John passes.  The bookkeeper already granted me the 3 days the county gives for bereavement, so I have 3 more leave days than I would have had. 

This time off is going really fast now.  But it will soon be summer.

Sunday, March 6, 2011


After Marshall's game yesterday, he came home with me and we worked in the yard.  Got a lot done.  Neither of us had seen 'Shrek the Final Chapter' so we redboxed it.  We agreed it was good, but the second Shrek was the best.

I dropped him at church this morning, then went to Wildwood.  I was quite late and went to the balcony.  Marty and I met up after the service and ate at Cracker Barrel.  It was overwhelming  to be in a crowd at church.  Not many people talked to me, so it wasn't interactions that exhausted me.  It was the amount of people.  Lunch wasn't as bad because we sat in one place, I guess. 

This afternoon I cleaned out the bathroom.  I threw out partially used shampoo samples, old razors; etc.  Set up three boxes:  Lighthouse Children's Home donation, garage sale, Sharon.
I think I'll try to do the bedroom next, later in the week, although it has John's clothes, so I'll see.  Cleaning the bathroom was overwhelming.  This is just weird.

Talked to my "old lady friend" Margaret and her son, and she isn't doing well.  Broken, replaced hip, broken back/discs, can't see well, can't walk.  She is ready to go, can't do anything.  Reminds me of John.  She'll probably join him soon.

Planning to go to Daytona with Georgena and Dana Saturday for the day.  Leave early, get home late.  Gloria told Georgena she'd like me to stay for a few days but I'm not up to it.  Not even close. 

Biopsy of my cervix Tuesday.  twilight
always something, huh