here we go

I'm finally by myself.  No one else here.  It's not the quiet I notice, it's the stillness.  No extra noises in the other rooms.  No footsteps through the house.  I lived alone for 12 or 13 years.  John lived here only 8 months.  It's not like couples who lived together for 50 years and lose a spouse.  But it's still obvious John's not here.  Such a void.  It's more than just the noises, it's him that's missing. 

I know now why people try to borrow home health/hospital equipment.  It's probably different for long-term needs, but in our situation, you need something immediately and only for a short time.  When John needed a bedside potty chair, we needed it that day, and didn't use it but for a couple of weeks.  Borrowing it, thank goodness, was possible. 

Sharon spent the night and we both slept hard.  We rearranged my bedroom last night and adjusted other furniture.  This morning we did something scandalous:  went through the Burger King drive-thru in our pajamas.  Sharon actually got out of the car to get a paper, in her jammies and slippers.

We knew people would be coming later.  Mama came mid-morning, Daddy for lunch.  My sister-in-law's family brought tons of food.  The Grandmas did, too.  I felt so bad because one of my old friends, who now goes to church with us, called to see how John was doing.  She felt ashamed when people at church asked how we were and she didn't know.  I apologized to her for not keeping in touch the last few weeks and told her about John.  One of our neighbors brought a bouquet of camillias from her yard for me and John.  She didn't know either.  I assured her we hadn't told people.  It happened in the middle of the night and used these days to rest.  She and her husband didn't know John well but they liked him and could tell he had a sense of humor.