and don't call me mom

Learned a good lesson today.  Usually I take my clothes and stuff with me in the bathroom when I get a shower, but this morning.  It was not as cold and I took only my underwear.  No sooner had the shower cut off than I heard a knock at the front door.  I was trapped.  John let them in.  Fortunately I recognized the voice as one of my retired teacher friends--female.  I called her name and she replied.  whew  I told her honestly:  just got out of the shower, running to my room to get dressed.  Take things with you when bathing because these days, you never know.

Went for my 'female' report and it's not great.  He wants to do a procedure that requires 'twilight' [and I don't mean the book or movie].  He wants to go a little further 'up' where he can't see, and take samples.  I asked if we could put it off a couple of months given my 'situation' and he said yes, but not beyond that.  I can't be out of commission.

Ran errands after the dr appt.  Mama stayed with John while I was gone.  The teacher friend who popped in this a.m. came back later with a spaghetti/salad dinner.  She and another retired teacher, Ann, and I are planning lunch in Havana the first week of February.  Can you believe February is almost here??

Yesterday and today John's right side has been very weak.  Tonight he finally went down on his knees in the bathroom.  I knew this was coming.  He didn't fall, just went down slowly.  He told me to go away when I started walking over to him.  I watched from a distance....safe distance.  He got up and brushed his teeth.  The Hospice nurse is coming tomorrow.  I think I'll call her and see if we can get a walker. 

I used to think in quarters/3 months, because that's about how often John had mri's.  Then it was months; how many months since his last surgery.  And suddenly, how many months does he have left.  Looking back over the last month, I'm amazed at his decline, and now looking at the past week, I'm even more amazed.  I know soon it will be days compared to days.  Month compared to month, week compared to week, days compared to days.  liquidating life

Didn't get any updates on John's dad today.  Must not be anything new. 
When John is really weary, he calls me mom...............
I said, "Laura" when he did it again today.  His reply, "I know.  That's what I said."  At least it's correct in his head.