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Saturday was a much better day after all the trauma Friday.  John has less ability with his right side, and lays his hand in his plate and doesn't even know it.  He has mentioned for a while now that he can't "hear" me on that side, and I take it to mean he doesn't have much feeling there.  He almost fell over a couple of times while walking, too.

Today, it's been about the same.  He doesn't understand why he can't go on and die since he "can't do anything."  He lays around more out of boredom, listens to his Bible on cd, and watches tv some. 
Late this afternoon, a couple from church brought over homemade pork loin bbq.  They are the same couple who brought tons of goodies at Christmas.

This is what we need from Hospice:  someone to teach John how to get up from sitting since his side is weak; how to use utensils with his left hand, or strategies with other types of utensils/bowls/plates; how to get up if he falls.  I also need to know these things, and didn't realize how quickly we'd need this info.  I will have to call the nurse and see if they have pt services.  You don't know that you need to ask for these things until you're flailing in the thick of it.

Dentist appointment tomorrow.  Mama is coming to stay with John.  When I told him the other day about my appt, he said he figured Mama would come.
It's also MLK,Jr holiday tomorrow.  The local parade goes right in front of our house.  Maybe I'll be able to get John to watch it out the window if it's too cool to sit out.  I usually sit on the front porch and watch.

John has always weighed himself at Publix and when this whole ordeal began, he weighed about 235.  At the doctor in October, 209; Friday 201.  He still has his little stomach pooch, but his legs are thinner than I've ever seen.  He looks great on the whole.

There have been a few moments lately when shear panic have hit me:  very soon, John won't be here anymore.  It's surreal.  very surreal
I don't like it at all.  Told him again. 
The Golden Globes are on tonight and I told him several days ago I wanted to see them.  My carnal indulgence.  John had a chill about 15 minutes before the program was to start.  He drank water with his medication and it made him cold.  I laid in the bed with him while he warmed up, and he told me not to forget my program.  I wanted to stay in bed with him but he said I needed things to do, it was ok.  It was like he was saying your life is going on, you have things to do.  Don't stop them for me.  It was sweet.

We've taken pictures of the incision area all along the way.  In the picture around early November, the bulge is NOTHING compared to today.  We thought it was big then!  The pictures are not for the faint of heart, especially the latest ones.  I went back over the emails I've sent, too, and forgot tiny details in them.  Glad I saved them but I'm sure I missed some. 

Months ago, John made his own dvd "movie" for the memorial service.  We've made so many more pictures since then, I made my own yesterday.  Now to find the right song......................